TWLV Talk: Relating to Parents as Young Adults

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Feat. Phil and Phil Carnuccio

Today’s post is a recap about what father and son, Phil and Phil C. had to say at the January TWLV talk. Phil C represented our parents, while Phil C. (little Phil) represented us, the 18-29 year olds who are still in the “awkward phase” with our parents.

Phil began the night by saying, “if there is one relationship that has the power to sabotage your ability to love with power - it is how well you love your mom and dad.”

The phrase that stood out to me as Phil and Phil continued to speak was: love with power. Why does how well you love your parents affect your ability to love with power? Also, what exactly is loving with power? As the talk continued, I realized forgiveness has many branches that I had not considered.

This diagram demonstrates the order of commandments:

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You can see that the first four commandments have to do with our relationship with God, while the remaining have to do with our relationships with others. Notice how the first commandment that has to do with loving others, is to honor our parents. For some, this may be one of the hardest relationships to maintain. For me it certainly can be. I often view my parents as a source to cast blame, and withhold forgiveness from them. Honor your parents is first in this chain because for most, they are our first earthly relationship, our foundation in which we learn how to love and respect others. And with that can come pain, hurt, and misunderstandings.


Little Phil represented our generation and provided four helpful steps we can take to honor God by honoring our parents.

1. Face the pain

Acknowledge to yourself any hurt you feel from your parents and embrace it, because you can heal even if your mom and dad don’t have the ability to ask for forgiveness. Have courage and know that God will provide grace and healing as you seek counsel.

2. Take initiative and responsibility to develop the friendship

We can’t expect our parents to fight every battle. If we are able to recognize this strained relationship, we are in a position to take initiative. Ways you can take action include; praying for your parents, checking in on them to see how they’re doing, asking to spend time together, offering words of encouragement, and serving.

3. Learn from them and see the good

Our hearts and minds may gravitate towards the negative we see in our parents, but we have a choice to find our way through the bad. Unforgiveness is our biggest block from being able to see the good.

4. Forgive

We were created to love others the way that God loves us. He loves us by forgiving us everyday, and choosing to pursue us again and again. Forgiveness is absorbing the cost of someone else’s actions, without expecting them to pay you back, or make it right. It is a choice, and it is something you can give without it being asked for.

Our ability to love with power, is stagnant in the presence of unforgiveness. Power can come from the willingness to forgive others, or absorb the cost. With this power also comes the freedom to love and move forward in relationships.

This was displayed to us in Luke 23:33, when Jesus absorbed the cost for our sins, so we could continue to live and enjoy relationships and life with others. He died on the cross, and still continues to pursue a relationship with us. He sees through the bad, and finds His way to the good.

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About the author

Laura Moore wants to live in a world where everyone feels like they have a place and everyone is understood. Her goal for this blog is to share and recap real life topics, and to help provide a place for others to feel know.

In her free time she loves to go on hikes, sit in hot tubs, and paint. Coffee dates and long talks is how she gets to know others best. Laura loves hearing life stories and understanding how people came to be the way they are.

Keep up with her blog here for TWLV talk recaps, other topics and life experiences!

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